What is the difference between romantic and perverted ?
Romantic is when you stroke your girlfriend with a peacock feather.
Perverted is when the bird is still attached to it 
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One day, a guy ran into a restaurant and sat down. When the waitress approached his table, he said, “Look, I’m in a hurry. Bring me a coffee and a menu, please!”
The waitress quickly walked away and returned shortly with the menu and his cup of coffee. The man looked down and noticed that as she put the cup down, her thumb was visibly in his coffee. He gave her a dirty look and pushed the menu back, saying, “Just bring me some soup, okay?”
The waitress walked away again and quickly returned with a bowl of soup for the customer, but as she put it down, he once again noticed that his thumb was deep in his soup. Seeing his finger out of place, he said brusquely, “Okay, what’s up with that thumb?”
The waitress replied, “Excuse me?”
“Excuse me? You should say excuse me! You bring me coffee and you have your thumb in my coffee! You bring me soup and you have your thumb in my soup! What’s with that thumb?”
To which the waitress replied, “Well, I crushed my thumb in the door yesterday and the doctor told me to keep it warm.”
“Why don’t you stick it up your ass then?” the customer replied.
And the waitress replied, “Well, I do that when I’m in the kitchen!”
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