Cop on horse says to little girl on bike, “Did Santa get you that?”
“Yes,” replies the little girl.
“Well tell him to put a reflector light on it next year!” and fines her £5.
The little girl looks up at the cop and says, “Nice horse you’ve got there, did Santa bring you that?”
The cop chuckles and replies, “He sure did!”
“Well,” says the little girl, “Next year tell Santa that the dick goes under the horse, not on top of it!”
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Lukas my man, you need Jesus 
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fuk it now i questioning myself wether im going to do it , just out of morbid facination 
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he is way too late for me
even Satan is afraid of me 
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just don’t do that to yourself
you are way to old for that, your heart will not survive that 
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Sure hope you got my back then, when we join down there
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Seriously I thought it would be worse
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you did not watch the video’s then?
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Come on, no kink shaming here
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MEN organize BBQ on WhatsApp:
Subject: BBQ
Man 1: Hey guys, when are we going to barbecue?
Man 2: Thursday at 8 p.m. at the house of “Man 9”
Man 1: Okay, what shall we have?
Man 9: I’ll buy the meat and drinks, then we’ll split.
Man 5: Ok
Man 1: Ok
Man 3: Ok
Man 2: Ok
Man 4: Ok
Man 6: Ok
Man 7: Ok
Man 8: Ok
Man 10: Ok
Man 11: Ok
Man 12: Ok
Man 13: Ok
Man 14: Ok
Man 15: Ok
END OF CONVERSATION
WOMEN organize BBQ on WhatsApp:
Subject: BBQ
Woman 1: Hi all, when are we going to meet and barbecue?
Woman 2: Thursday at 8 p.m.?
Woman 3: Where?
Woman 2: I do not know
Woman 4: Where girls?
Woman 4: If you want you can come to my place
Woman 2: Wouldn’t it be better to go to a restaurant?
Woman 5: No, at home is better, then we don’t spend so much and have more time
Woman 2: Ok with me
Woman 3: Ok
Woman 5: Ok
Woman 4: Ok
Woman 6: Ok? Restaurant or at home?
Woman 2: At home
Woman 7: Restaurant
Woman 2: Then let’s go to woman 4’s house
Woman 3: Okay, what shall we take?
Woman 8: Does anyone know how to barbecue?
Woman 2: #fancy
Woman 6: What are we going to buy?
Woman 2: Let’s make a list
Woman 8: Ok
Woman 4: A little meat and salad, what do you think?
Woman 5: Well, I’m on a diet, so I’m only going to eat lettuce and tomatoes
Woman 2: Okay then?
Woman 1: I’ll make a list and everyone say what they can bring
Woman 2: Greek salad
Woman 3: Quinoa
Woman 4: Sausage and potatoes
Woman 5: Lettuce, tomato and some vegetables for another salad
Woman 1: Okay, how much?
Woman 6: I don’t know
Woman 2: 5 sausages?
Woman 2: Who eats sausage?
Woman 2: Not me
Woman 5: Not me
Woman 7: I do not
Woman 3: Not me
Woman 4: Not me
Woman 8: Not me
Woman 1: Okay, then I won’t buy sausage
Woman 2: But you, Woman 4, why did you say you were going to buy sausage if you don’t eat it?
Woman 4: Because I had put myself in the shoes of someone who eats sausage
Woman 1: Ok, then no sausage
Woman 1: satay and steak, 1 kilo and 1 kilo, okay?
Woman 7: It seems small
Woman 1: How much then?
Woman 2: I don’t know
Woman 2: Girls? What do you think?
Woman 8: I think it’s half a kilo per person
Woman 4: How many are we?
Woman 1: I don’t know. Girls, confirm who is going
Woman 2: Me
Woman 3: Me
Woman 5: Me
Woman 6: Me
Woman 7: Me
Woman 8: Me
Woman 9: Me
Woman 10: Me
Woman 11: Me
Woman 4: When is it?
Woman 2: Thursday?
Woman 4: I can’t go then
Woman 2: What bad luck, so we don’t have a location then?
Woman 4: Sorry girls, the reminder for this appointment just went out
Woman 1: What other property is available?
Woman 8: How many are we?
Woman 2: 10
Woman 3: It won’t fit in my house
Woman 5: Not mine either
Woman 6: Not in mine either
Woman 7: Much less in mine
Woman 8: Not mine either
Woman 9: Not mine either
Woman 10: In mine it can be … but I need chairs, can someone bring?
Woman 2: Woman 11 has a chair rental store, she can bring them
Woman 5: But she doesn’t answer, she must be at work
Woman 9: I don’t eat sausage
Woman 2: We still need to find a location
Woman 12: Sorry girls, I’m just picking up the phone, what happened?
Woman 2: We are still looking for a location
Woman 12: Come to my house, no stress
Woman 2: Ok, excellent
Woman 12: Wait … What day?
Woman 2: Thursday at 8 p.m.
Woman 12: Huummmmm that complicates things … can it be Wednesday?
Woman 2: Fine
Woman 2: Same time?
Woman 2: Yes?
Woman 3: I can
Woman 4: I can
Woman 5: I have to take Gabi to her grandmother’s house, but I can go later after she falls asleep
Woman 8: Okay.
Woman 9: I can
Woman 6: I can
Woman 7: I can
Woman 11: I can
Woman 2: Ready, Wednesday at woman 12’s house.
Woman 3: Yes
Woman 1: Girls, coming back to the BBQ for a moment… do I buy half a kilo per person?
Woman 8: Yes
Woman 1: Ok, I will ask Pieter to buy
Woman 2: Ok … And what are we going to do about drinks?
Woman 3: Everyone takes what they drink and that’s all
Woman 9: I can’t because I’m going straight from work
Woman 6: Well, wife 1 better buy everything and send a tap later
Woman 1: Girls, I can’t buy everything, will someone give me a hand?
Woman 6: I will help, what are you girls d.rinking?
Woman 6: I’ll help, what are you girls d.rinking?
Woman 2: Coke Zero
Woman 4: Water
Woman 5: Juice
Woman 6: Spa red
Woman 9: Flavored water
Woman 3: Girls, can we buy Peach Ice tea?
Woman 8: Let’s go to a restaurant girls, that’s less trouble
Woman 2: I think so too
Woman 4: Me too
Woman 6: Me too
Woman 7: Me too
Woman 9: Me too
Woman 11: Me too
Woman 12: Me too
Woman 1: Ahhh girls, I already sent Pieter to buy everything, we have to bbq
Woman 2: Uhh nonsense …
Woman 4: I want water, but it has to be Bonaqua which has less sodium, then I won’t get bloated
Woman 1: Girls, can we organize please ???
Woman 2: Ok
Woman 6: Ok
Woman 4: Ok
Woman 9: Ok
Woman 5: Ok
Woman 8: Ok
Woman 11: I don’t eat sausage either
Woman 5: (sends a necklace) Girls … please share … The dog’s name is BOB … he got lost at the station yesterday, if everyone works together, we can find him and bring him back to his owners … They must be worried sick 
Woman 6: Yes, poor BOB
Woman 9: BOB is beautiful !!! What breed is he?
Woman 5: I don’t know … Got this on my yoga group
Woman 2: But do you know the owners?
Woman 5: No, but I felt sorry for BOB
Woman 1: Pieter called me from the butcher shop and said they don’t have steaks, what should we get?
Woman 2: I prefer chorizo steak
Woman 4: Me too
Woman 1: Girls, we can decide right away because Pieter is going to kill me, he is waiting for us at the butcher shop to decide
Woman 6: I think it’s unfair that it’s always like this, it’s always the same ones who organize everything and no one else feels called to do anything
Woman 10: Hello girls, I just woke up and I have 369 messages in our group, what happened?
Woman 3: Shall I tell you…
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a man asks his girlfriend how many men she has slept with…
after several minutes of silence, he turns to her and says ‘sorry, I shouldn’t have asked that’
to which she replies: ‘don’t interrupt me, I’m still counting’
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