You have a goat? Where do you keep it? What do you feed it? I knew you were an old goat, but I didn’t know you actually owned one.
(I just couldn’t resist that one.
You would be surprised what i own whether it be a____l, vegatable or mineral 
Sorry, but I need to vent!!!
I experienced the WORST customer service today at a local store. I don’t want to mention the name of the store because I’m not sure how I’m going to handle this. Last night I bought something from this store and I paid cash for it. I took it home and found out it didn’t work. So today, less than 24 hours later I took it back to the same store and asked if I could get a refund. The cashier told me “NO” even though I still had the receipt. I asked if I could get a replacement instead, again she told me “NO.” I asked to talk to a manager … now as I’m really not happy and I explained that I had just bought the item, had got it home and it didn’t work. The manager just smiled and told me to straight to my face that I was "OUT OF LUCK.
No refund.
No FREE replacement. Grrrrrrrrr.
I’'ll tell you what…I am NEVER buying another Lottery Ticket from there again.
I saw a sign in a shop window that read?
Pay No interest?
So I carried on walking
I walked into the living room and there was a guy in a canal boat.
I said “You can’t come barging in here!”
It costs £5000 to climb Everest. Seems a bit steep???
Go to bed whilst you are ahead
Well i had reached the 5 limit but you have now released that option but i will resist the temptation
He was ahead?
When God created Adam and Eve, He said to them:
I have two gifts to give you - one is to pee standing up and…
Adam, very anxious, interrupted him screaming:
M E…! M E…! I want it, please Lord… please… please… please…
This would make life a lot easier!
Eve agreed and said those things didn’t matter to her.
So God gave Adam the gift.
Adam was amazed, screaming for joy, running through the Garden of Eden, peeing on every tree.
He ran along the beach making drawings with his pee in the sand.
He lit a fire and played fireman…
God and Eve stared at the mad man with happiness until Eve asked God:
and… what is the other present?
And God answered:
A Brain Eve … The brain is yours…
And that my friends, is how it all started. 
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What was in that, coke?
smoka cola
FIVE GREAT CONFUSIONS
- At a movie theater, which arm rest is yours?
- In the word scent, is the “S” silent or the “C”?
- If people evolved from monkeys, why are monkeys still around?
- Why is there a ‘D’ in fridge, but not in refrigerator?
- Who knew what time it was when the first clock was made?
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They walk among us 
- I was at the checkout of a local Wally World.
- The cashier rang up $46.64 charges.
- I gave her a fifty dollar bill. She gave me back $46.64.
- I gave the money back to her and told her that she
- had made a mistake in MY favor.
- She became indignant and informed me she was educated
- and knew what she was doing, and she returned the money,
- again. I gave her the money back – same scenario!
- I departed the store with the $46.64.
- ~They Walk Among Us!
- I walked into a Starbacks with a
- buy-one-get-one-free coupon for a Grande Latte.
- I handed it to the girl and she looked over at
- a little chalkboard that said ‘buy one-get one free.’
- “They’re already buy-one- get-one-free,” she said,
- “so I guess they’re both free.”
- She handed me my free lattes, and I walked out the door.
- ~They Walk Among Us!
- One day I was walking down the beach with some friends,
- when one of them shouted, “Look at that dead bird!”
- Someone looked up at the sky and asked, “Where?”
- ~They Walk Among Us!
- While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate
- agent which direction was north; because, he explained,
- he didn’t want the sun waking him up every morning.
- She asked, “Does the sun rise in the north?”
- When my brother explained that the sun rises in the East,
- and has for sometime; she shook her head and said,
- “Oh I don’t keep up with all that stuff.”
- ~They Walk Among Us!!
- I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center.
- One day I got a call from an individual who asked
- what hours the call center was open.
- I told him, "The number you dialed is open
- 24 hours a day, 7 days a week."
- He responded, “Is that Eastern or Pacific time?”
- Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, “Uh, Pacific.”
- ~They Walk Among Us!
- My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car
- designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped.
- She keeps it in the trunk.
- ~They Walk Among Us!
- My friends and I went out to buy ■■■■ and noticed
- that the cases were discounted 10%.
- Since it was a big party, we bought two cases.
- The cashier multiplied two times 10%
- and gave us a 20% discount.
- ~They Walk Among Us!
- I couldn’t find my luggage at the airport baggage area,
- so I went to the lost luggage office and
- told the woman, there, that my bags never showed up.
- She smiled and told me not to worry, because,
- she was a trained professional, and I was in good hands.
- “Now, she asked me, has your plane arrived yet?”
- So I replied, "No Ma’am, The Pilot told us we’re circling the
- airport, 3rd in line to land."
- ~They Walk Among Us!
- While working at a pizza place, I observed
- a man ordering a small pizza to go.
- He appeared to be alone, and the cook asked him
- if he would like it cut into four pieces or six.
- He thought about it for some time before responding.
- "Just cut it into four pieces . . .
- I don’t think I’m hungry enough to eat six pieces."
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Must admit No.3 has always confused me, not much logic there really
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