extremely dark humor…
especially because countless civilians are harmed because of a few idiots
A man walks home at night and has to make his way through the cemetery. He sees two people behind a tombstone fucking.
He gets turned on and asks: “Do you mind if I can fuck her too when you are finished?”
Other guy answers: “No way, but I will be nice. There is the shovel. Dig one up for yourself”
A man comes to the priest to confess his sins: “F____r I could not help it but I fucked the cat”
Priest answers: “Oh dear you need a lot of prayers and make a donation to the church to get rid of that sin”
Next sunday he returns: “F____r forgive me, I did it again.”
Priest gives him some tasks again to get rid of the sin.
This happens for a whole month. The next time the man comes the priest already says: “Yes I know you fucked the cat again. But how do you actually do that? You have no scratches at all”
Man says: “Well I grab her, put her head first in a big welly boot and then I go for it”
Priest says: “Jesus Christ you could have said that before. Mine always scratches my balls”
A man comes to the priest in church to confess his sins. But before he can start the priest gets an urgent phone call and has to leave. He asks one of his altar boys to take over for him.
So the man starts: “I did some very bad thing. I fucked my girlfriend in the ass even she did not want it”
The boy is a bit confused: “I do not know what you need to do to get rid of that sin. I will ask my mate for advice”
He opens the curtains of the confessional booth and shouts: “Tom, what does f____r Martin give for unwanted anal sex?”
Tom shouts back: “Depends on his mood. Sometimes a chocolate bar and sometimes a small bag of candy”
My mate went to a psychic last week who told him he would be coming into money.
Last night he shagged a girl called penny,spooky or what 
Was your mate James Bond? 
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For me to know and you to wonder pal 
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