I’m familiar with the place. The coffee is excellent 
An old, blind Marine wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender,…
‘Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?’
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
‘Before you tell that joke I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
The bouncer is a blonde girl.
I’m a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?’
The blind Marine thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters,…
“'No…not if I’m gonna have to explain it five times.”
Does it have anything to do with your username? Is that your bike out front?
An Irish man went to confession in St. Patrick’s Catholic Church.
‘F____r’, he confessed, ‘it has been one month since my last confession… I had sex with Fanny Green twice last month.’
The priest told the sinner, ‘You are forgiven. Go out and say three Hail Mary’s.’
Soon thereafter, another Irish man entered the confessional. ‘F____r, it has been two months since my last confession. I’ve had sex with Fanny Green twice a week for the past two months.’
This time, the priest questioned, ‘Who is this Fanny Green?’
‘A new woman in the neighborhood,’ the sinner replied.
‘Very well,’ sighed the priest. Go and say ten Hail Mary’s.;
At mass the next morning, as the priest prepared to deliver the sermon, a tall,
Voluptuous, drop-dead gorgeous redheaded woman entered the sanctuary.
The eyes of every man in the church fell upon her as she slowly sashayed up the aisle and sat down right in front of the priest.
Her dress was green and very short, and she wore matching, shiny emerald-green shoes.
The priest and the altar boy gasped as the woman in the green dress and matching green shoes sat with her legs spread slightly apart, but just enough to realize she wasn’t wearing any underwear.
The priest turned to the altar boy and whispered, ‘Is that Fanny Green?’
The bug-eyed altar boy couldn’t believe his ears but managed to calmly reply,
‘No F____r, I think it’s just a reflection from her shoes’
A shepherd was herding his flock in a remote pasture when suddenly a
brand-new BMW advanced out of the dust cloud towards him. The driver, a
young man in a Broni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray Ban sunglasses and YSL tie,
leaned out the window and asked the shepherd… “If I tell you exactly how
many sheep you have in your flock, will you give me one?” The shepherd
looked at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looked at his peacefully
grazing flock and calmly answered “sure”.
The yuppie parked his car, whipped out his IBM ThinkPad and connected it
to a cell phone, then he surfed to a NASA page on the internet where he
called up a GPS satellite navigation system, scanned the area, and then
opened up a database and an Excel spreadsheet with complex formulas.
He sent an email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, received a
response. Finally, he prints out a 130-page report on his miniaturized
printer then turns to the shepherd and says, "You have exactly 1586 sheep.
“That is correct; take one of the sheep.” said the shepherd. He watches
the young man select one of the a____ls and bundle it into his car.
Then the shepherd says: “If I can tell you exactly what your business is,
will you give me back my a____l?”, “OK, why not.” answered the young man.
“Clearly, you are a consultant.” said the shepherd. “That’s correct.” says
the yuppie, “but how did you guess that?” “No guessing required.” answers
the shepherd. “You turned up here although nobody called you. You want to
get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked, and
you don’t know crap about my business… Now give me back my dog.”
