The preacher, in his Sunday sermon, used “Forgive Your Enemies” as his subject.
After a long sermon, he asked how many were willing to forgive their enemies. About half held up their hands.
Not satisfied he harangued for another twenty minutes and repeated his question. This time he received a response of about 80 percent.
Still unsatisfied, he lectured for another 15 minutes and repeated his question. With all thoughts now on Sunday dinner, all responded except one elderly lady in the rear.
“Mrs. Jones, are you not willing to forgive your enemies?”
“I don’t have any.”
“Mrs. Jones, that is very unusual. How old are you?”
“Ninety three.”
“Mrs. Jones, please come down in front and tell the congregation how a person can live to be ninety-three, and not have an enemy in the world.”
The little sweetheart of a lady tottered down the aisle, very slowly turned around and said: “It’s easy, I just outlived the bitches.”
An 85-year-old man goes to see his doctor for his regular physical exam. The doctor says that the man needs to provide a sperm sample and gives him a jar saying, “Take this jar home with you and come back tomorrow with a sperm sample.”
The next day the old man goes back to the doctors and gives him the jar, which is as clean and empty as when the doctor gave it to him. So the doctor asks what happened and why there is no sperm sample in the jar. The old man says, “Well, doc, it’s like this… first I tried with my right hand, but nothing. Then I tried with my left hand, but still nothing. Then I asked my wife for help. She tried with her right hand - nothing; then with her left, still nothing. She tried with her mouth, first with the teeth in, then with her teeth out, still nothing. We even called up Maisie, the lady next door and she tried too, first with both hands, then an armpit, and she even tried squeezing it between her knees, but still nothing.”
The doctor is really shocked by all this and asks incredulously, “You asked your neighbor???”
The old man replies, “Yep, not one of us could get the jar open.”
I didn’t have to see it to know I have a dirty mind.
im still looking but then again i have always known im a dirty old bastard , 
John woke up one morning immensely aroused so he turned over to his wife’s side of the bed…
His wife, Heather, had already awakened though, and she was downstairs preparing breakfast in the kitchen…
Afraid that he might spoil things by getting up, John called his little boy into the room and asked him to take this note to your beautiful mummy…
The note read…
The Tent Pole Is Up,
The Canvas Is Spread,
The Hell With Breakfast,
Come Back To Bed…
Heather, grinning, answered the note and then asked her son to take this to your silly daddy. Her note read…
Take The Tent Pole Down,
Put The Canvas Away,
The Monkey Had A Hemorrhage,
No Circus Today…
John read the note and quickly scribb__d a reply. Then, he asked his son to take it back to the lady in the kitchen. His note read:
The Tent Pole’s Still Up,
And The Canvas Still Spread,
So Drop What You’re Doing,
And Come Give Me Some Head…
Laughing, Heather answered the note and then asked her son to take this to the poor dude upstairs. Her note read…
I’m Sure That Your Pole’s
The Best In The Land.
But I’m Busy Right Now,
So Do It By Hand…!!!
A woman goes to her doctor and says she wants an operation because her vagina lips are much too large.
She asks the doctor to keep the operation a secret as she’s embarrassed and doesn’t want anyone to find out. The doctor agrees.
She wakes up from her operation and finds three roses carefully placed beside her bed.
Outraged she immediately calls in the doctor and says, “I thought I asked you not to tell anyone about my operation!”
“Don’t worry,” he says, “I didn’t tell anybody. The first rose is from me. I felt bad because you went through this all by yourself. The second one is from the nurse. She assisted me with the operation, and she had the operation done herself.”
“Who is the third rose from?” she asked.
“Oh,” says the doctor, “that rose is from the guy upstairs in the burn unit. He wanted to thank you for his new ears!”
Paddy’s in Japan on business. The night before a golf game with his Japanese business partner, he decides to go to a brothel. While on the job, the girl screams, “SUNG WA! SUNG WA!” He thinks this must mean “very good! very good!" so hammers on, all proud! The next day playing golf, the Japanese businessman sinks a long putt. Paddy wanting to impress, yells “SUNG WA! SUNG WA!” the Japanese man turns around and replies, “What do you mean… wrong hole?”
Indeed…
I don’t and I didn’t.
lewis hamiltons team boss TOTO WOLF whinging when the 2021 world title was taken away from lewis by a stewards decision https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aEBeGjw1euA
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Oh OK, well naturally, I will just have to take your word for it as I haven’t got a clue about any of that sort of thing. I quite liked Lewis Hamilton (yes in THAT way 
) in his early days of fame but as for racing…not my ‘thing’. Thank you any way, for the explanation.
