Three dogs, a Doberman, a Boxer, and a Labrador are sitting in the waiting room at the vet’s office when they strike up a conversation.
The Doberman turns to the Boxer and says, “So why are you here?”
The Boxer replies, “I’m a pisser. I piss on everything - the sofa, the cat, the kid, but the final straw was last night, when I pissed in the middle of my owner’s bed.”
The Doberman says, “So what is the vet going to do?”
“Lethal injection,” came the reply from the sad Boxer.
The Doberman then turns to the Labrador and asks, “Why are you here?”
The Lab says, “I’m a digger. I dig under fences, dig up flowers and trees. I dig just for the hell of it. When I’m inside, I dig up the carpets. I went over the line last night when I dug a great big hole in my owner’s couch.”
“So, what are they going to do to you?” the Doberman inquired.
“Lethal injection,” the dejected Labrador said.
The Labrador then turns to the Doberman and asks what he’s at the vet’s office for. “I’m a humper,” the Doberman says. “I’ll hump anything. I’ll hump the cat, a pillow, the table, fire hydrants, whatever. I want to hump everything I see. Yesterday, my owner had just gotten out of the shower and was bending down to dry her toes, and I just couldn’t help myself. I hopped on her back and started humping away.”
The Boxer and Labrador exchange a sad glance and say, “So, lethal injection for you too, huh?”
“No, no,” the Doberman says, “I’m here to get my nails clipped.”
One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating M&Ms He’d toss them in the air, then catch them in his mouth. In the middle of catching one, his wife asked a question. When he turned to answer her, an M&M fell in his ear. He tried and tried to dig it out but succeeded in only pushing it in deeper.
He called his wife for assistance, and after hours of trying, they became worried and decided to go to the hospital. As they were ready to go out the door, their d______r came home with her date.
After being informed of the problem, their d______r’s date said he could get the M&M out. The young man told the f____r to sit down, then shoved two fingers up the f____r’s nose and told him to blow hard. When the f____r blew, the M&M popped out.
The m____r and d______r jumped and yelled for joy. The young man insisted that it was nothing and the d______r took the young man out to the kitchen for something to eat.
Once he was gone, the m____r turned to the f____r and said, “That was wonderful! Isn’t he clever? What do you think he’s going to be when he grows older?”
The f____r replied, “From the smell of his fingers… our son-in-law!”
Pig mutation?
Pigmentation?
Pigmentation.
A family went to a nudist camp for their vacation.
The young son came back to the tent and said, “Wow, Mom! You should see some of those girls. They’ve got these HUGE…”
“Yes, well,” his m____r sniffs. “The larger they are, the dumber the woman.”
Next day the boy comes back to the tent again. “You wouldn’t believe some of the guys out there. They have these HUGE…”
“Yes, well, like I said, the bigger they are, the dumber the man.”
“Really?” the boy said, frowning with puzzlement. “We might be in trouble, Mom.”
“Why, honey?”
“Because Dad’s out there talking to a really stupid girl, and he’s getting dumber by the minute.”
When I was younger I hated going to weddings. Aunts and grandma acquaintances came up to me, pulled my cheek, patted me, laughed and said:
“You are the next one.”
They didn’t stop this nonsense until I started doing the same thing at funerals.
“My husband gave me 20 red roses again, now I have to spread my legs again for two weeks!”
“Why? don’t you have a vase?”
somehow the wedding of yan and flora reminds me of ancient jokes
I thought this was kind of funny, in a PERVERTed sort of way. 
The tiny dot that’s used when writing the lowercase letters i and j has a name. It’s called a TITTLE.
But, it doesn’t rhyme with Bristol cities, @robwin. Sorry. 
Amazing the useless information you get to read on here
Gee, thanks pal. Nice to know you’ve got my back. 