There once was a girl from Dumfreze
Who said to her lover “oh, please”
It would heighten my bliss, if you played more with this
And paid less attention to These.
Limerick, oh yeah! 
There was a young man from Tashkent
Who’s cock was all twisted and bent
He frigged himself off and started to cough
And instead of cumming he went😊
Two cowboys were lost in the desert when they spotted a tree dr__ed in bacon strips.
“We’re saved!” shouted one cowboy. But when he ran up to the tree, he was shot multiple times.
It wasn’t a bacon tree, it was a ham bush.
OMG can it get any worse??? 
Only with the next joke.
Me when i was that age
A vampire bat flies back to its lair after a great night…its face is covered in b___d. Crouch down on the roof to take a little rest. But after a short while, the other bats have smelled the b___d and begin to gather around them. They feverishly ask the bat where the b___d came from. Knowing that they will not rest until she tells them where, the bat says, ‘OK, follow me!’ The bat flies out of the cave, through a valley, across a river into a dark forest. She stops deep in the forest, all the other bats gather around her in an excited frenzy. ‘OK,’ says the bat, ‘see that big oak tree over there?’ ‘Yes, yes, YES!’ the other bats reply, drooling with anticipation. ‘Well, I didn’t the hell see her earlier!’
young man to his girlfriend’s f____r: “I would like to ask you for your d______r’s vagina”
the f____r asks confused “doesn’t one actually ask for the hand?”
young man": “but it doesn’t make sense, with a hand I can do it without your d______r”
Most of us probably know the biblical story of how Adam and Eve were created. What most people do not realise, is that that story is incomplete. It does not mention for instance, that Adam to two steps back when he saw Eve for the first time… He didn’t know how big he was going to get. Another thing not mentioned, is that Eve was still closed and hairless down there. Here’s the untold part of the story:
One day Eve was resting in the shade of a big tree when high up there a branch snapped and a monkey fell out of the tree. Since that day, monkeys have a bald arse and women have hair down there.
Eve decided to avoid trees from then on and laid herself down in a meadow. She was enjoying the sun when a passing stork got a cramp in its right wing and crashed right down on her. Since that day, storks have a red bill and women have a slit down there.
Of course that hurt, so Eve dove into the river to cool it all down a bit. It was all starting to feel a bit better when a big fish collided with her. Since then the big question is: does pussy smell like fish, or does fish smell like pussy?
In a small town, farmers of the community had gotten together to discuss some important issues. About midway through the meeting, a wife of one of the farmers stood up and spoke her peace.
When she was done, one of the old farmers stood up and said, “What does she know about anything? I would like to ask her if she knows how many toes a pig has?”
Quick as a flash, the woman replied, “Take off your boots sir, and count them yourself!”
It’s the spring of 1957 and Bobby goes to pick up his date, Peggy Sue. Bobby’s a pretty hip guy with his own car and a ducktail hairdo. At the front door Peggy Sue’s f____r answers and invites him in.
‘Peggy Sue’s not ready yet, so why don’t you have a seat?’ he says.
‘That’s cool.’ says Bobby.
Peggy Sue’'s f____r asks Bobby what they are planning to do. Bobby replies politely that they will probably just go to the mall shop or go to a drive-in movie.
Peggy Sue’s f____r responds, ‘Why don’t you kids go out and screw? I hear all of the kids are doing it.’
Naturally, this comes as quite a surprise to Bobby, and he says, ‘Whaaaat?’
‘Yeah,’ says Peggy Sue’s f____r, ‘Peggy Sue really likes to screw; she’ll screw all night if we let her!’
Bobby’s eyes light up, and he smiles from ear to ear as he mentally revises the night’s plans.
A few minutes later, Peggy Sue comes downstairs in her little poodle skirt with her saddle shoes and announces that she’s ready to go.
Almost breathless with anticipation, Bobby escorts his date out the front door while Dad is saying, ‘Have a good evening, kids!’
About 20 minutes later, a thoroughly disheveled Peggy Sue rushes back into the house, slams the door behind her and screams at her f____r: ‘Dammit, Daddy! The twist! It’s called the twist!!’ 