Oscar & Pearl

If you want to support Amelie in her grieving process? Then forget about looking for solutions. You cannot take away the pain. Instead, listen to what she has to say and do so without judgment. Ask what she need. The most important thing is we are there for her,

This story illustrates very nicely: a man walks through a front door and is immediately hit by the smell of good food. He is curious about what goodies will be served. He enters the first room and sees an amazing buffet and people with meter-long spoons that they can’t bring to their mouths. They don’t look happy and healthy, rather starved and irritated. He goes into another room. Everyone there is cheerful and happy, even though they have the same meter-long spoons. What is the difference? They feed each other instead of themselves


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Silence, respect and extended hand :heart_hands:

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That is PRECISELY what I have been saying throughout this entire conversation, and nothing more.

I’ve never once tried to find any kind of solution for Amelie. I didn’t need to. Amelie, herself, told us exactly what she needed, and all I have ever said is we should first and foremost honor her wishes. We should give her exactly what she asked for.

Amelie knows best what she needs. She knows what’s best for her, even if others don’t understand or agree with her decision. Even if others would have her do it differently. The bottom line is, it’s her decision, not ours .

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Best,

my answer was in principle addressed to Cho2vant, I indeed blundered in linking this as a reply to your message. We say the exact same thing, sorry about that

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Their Camera fell down. Not a bad view.

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Not a problem. Thanks for letting me know.
:+1: :+1:

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Aged 72, I have already buried a lot of people, from my family of course but also many friends or their families, work colleagues, professional relationships, etc.
From this experiences I assure you, and it is not a personal judgment but the general idea shared by the majority of people, that the best way to help to progress in life the one who remains in pain, doesn’t consists to lock him or her in memories. Widow doesn’t need you. She has her own memories. Furthermore, the misfortune means that the person is a little confused and doesn’t always have the clarity of mind necessary to know what is good for or what is not.
This does not mean that you haven’t to be compassionate, but reminding her misfortune is more negative than anything else. If this action is understood in the first days (vidĂ©os), it must quickly stop. Ask a psychologist what he thinks.

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The period after the event, called the mourning period, is a segmented period consisting of disbelief, denial, anger, despair, sadness and finally acceptance. Not necessarily in that order, and for different lengths of time and with different emotional psychological expression for each person.

Statistically speaking, for most mourners this period is distinctly memorial. Everything is circling around lost person, faces on the street, places where was time spent together, parts of wardrobe, smells, sounds
everything.

For an example like Amelie’s, there is no factor that could erase those memories, his image, their shared experiences. And she does not want to do that. Everyone says to themselves that they would like to, because such a memory causes psychological trauma, a tightness in the chest, a quickening of the pulse, crying, i.e. physical connotations.

In spite of all this, they want to talk about that person, to remember them, to weep for them. It is as if they want to torture themselves.

But in reality, it is a search for the bottom. Because it is only when one is truly at rock bottom that one can look up again and stand up again.

Only then comes the period of acceptance.

Before that, everything in Amelie’s head will revolve around Lucas. No matter what we say, do, or not do here.

The fact is, Amelie does not want to be alone at this moment in these memories, in this pain.

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I think Amelie is in a very stressful situation and enviroment (war). The best for her is to attend to a psycologist. Its too much not for her only but for anyone that would be in her place

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It’s definitely good for Amelie that she doesn’t live alone. And with Pearl and Oscar, she has two friends at her side. Who support each other.
I think that helps her a lot to get over this difficult time. However long it takes.
Amelie is young and I’m sure she’ll get through it. :+1: :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:
And maybe we can help them, I think, if we keep encouraging them with loving and uplifting words. :hugs: :hugs:

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It’s great to see Amelie doesn’t have to go through this alone it warms my heart to see forum members on here and her friends that care for her so much to help her through a difficult time :hugs: So many forum members with kind hearts :smiling_face_with_three_hearts:

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@darron255810 what’s so funny ?

Whatever you may think, such characteristics are derogatory and do not belong here! :rage:

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