Got it.
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I haven’t heard the expression itself before but you can be sure I most certainly DO understand it.
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The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making
love to a very attractive young woman:
And she was somewhat upset. “You are a disrespectful pig!” She cried. “How dare you do this to me? A faithful wife, the m____r of your c___dren. I’m leaving you. I want a divorce right away!”
And the husband replied. “Hang on just a minute, so at least I can tell you what happened?”
"Fine, go ahead. "She sobbed. “But they’ll be the last words you’ll say to me!”
And the husband began. “Well, I was getting into the car to drive home and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down
and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car. I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She
told me that she hadn’t eaten for three days.
So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn’t eat because you’re afraid you’ll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments. Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower and while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away. Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the expensive designer jeans that you bought a couple years back, but don’t wear because you say they
not the “in” name this year. I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don’t wear because I don’t have good taste. I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don’t wear just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don’t wear because someone at work has a pair the same.” The husband took a quick breath and continued - "She was so grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said.
“Please, do you have anything else that your wife doesn’t use?”
The Englishman’s wife steps up to the tee and, as she bends over to place her ball, a gust of wind blows her skirt up and reveals her lack of underwear. “Good God, woman! Why aren’t you wearing any undies?” her husband demanded. “Well, you don’t give me enough housekeeping money to afford any.”
The Englishman immediately reaches into his pocket and says, “For the sake of decency, here’s £20. Go and buy yourself some underwear.”
Next, the Irishman’s wife bends over to set her ball on the tee. Her skirt also blows up to show that she too is wearing no undies. “Blessed Virgin Mary, woman!
You’ve no undies. Why not?” She replies, “I can’t afford any on the money you give me.” He reaches into his pocket and says, “For the sake of decency,
here’s £10. Go and buy yourself some underwear!”
Lastly, the Scotsman’s wife bends over. The wind also takes her skirt over her head to reveal that she, too, is naked under it. “Sweet mudder of Jesus, Aggie!
Where the are yer drawers?” She too explains, “You dinna give me enough money ta be able ta affarrd any.”
The Scotsman reaches into his pocket and says,
“Well, fer the love 'o Jesus, here’s a comb. Tidy yerself up a bit!”
A major international company was looking to hire someone for an important position, so they interviewed dozens of applicants and narrowed their search Down to three people from different parts of the world.
In an attempt to pick one of them, they decided to give them all the same question to answer within 24 hours and the one with the best answer would get the job.
The question was: “A man and a woman are in bed, nude. The woman is lying on her side with her back facing the man, and the man is lying on his side facing the woman’s back.
What is the man’s name?”
After the 24 hours was up, the three were brought in to give their answers. The first, from the USA , says “My answer is, there IS no answer.”
The second, from England, says “My answer is that there is no way to determine the answer with the information we were given.”
The third one, from Australia, says “I’m not exactly sure, but I have it narrowed down to two names. It’s either: Willie Turner or Willie Nailer?”
The Australian got the job.
