Why does the mermaid wear seashells?
She outgrew her b-shells.
What’s the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms? One’s a Goodyear. The other’s a great year!
What do you call the lesbian version of a cock block?
A beaver dam!
A lady went into the pharmacy, right up to the pharmacist, looked straight into his eyes, and said:
“I would like to buy some cyanide.”
The pharmacist asked, “Why in the world do you need cyanide?”
The lady : “I need it to poison my husband.”
The pharmacists eyes got big and he exclaimed : “Lord have mercy! I can’t give you cyanide to k__l your husband! That’s against the law! I’ll lose my license! They’ll throw both of us in jail! All kinds of bad things will happen. Absolutely not! You CANNOT have any cyanide!”
The lady reached into her purse and pulled out a picture of her husband in bed with the pharmacist’s wife.
The pharmacist looked at the picture and replied : "Oh, well now, that’s different. You didn’t tell me you had a prescription.
A postman on his last day knocks on a lady’s house to deliver a parcel. She opens the door in her lingerie, takes him inside, and on the kitchen table is the most delicious cooked breakfast with pancakes, bacon, coffee, and fresh orange juice. She invites him to sit down and eat it, and when he’s finished, she takes him upstairs and makes passionate love to him.
Afterwards, the postman says, ‘what did I do to deserve that?!’
The lady says, ‘well I asked my husband what we should get you for your last day. He said ‘fuck him’, but the breakfast was my idea.’
A teacher received this gift from a young student who is still learning English.
