i was first 
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Son…Hey mom
Mom…Yeah?
Son…What do women and swimming pools have in common?
Mom…Whats that son?
Son…They both cost a lot of money to maintain for the amount of time you are in them.
Mom… 
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A bit like Goldie after a night of _____ing… 
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Since it will soon be that time again, I wanted to explain the origin of a certain tradition to you in more detail:
Once upon a time not so long ago, shortly before Christmas, Santa Claus wanted to set off on his annual journey. but somehow things didn’t go so smoothly this year. Four of his elves were ill, the temporary elves could hardly keep up with the toy production. moreover, many c___dren this year only wanted computer games or mobile phones and no silly wooden toys. So Santa began to feel the pressure of Christmas. Then his wife also told him that her m____r had announced she was coming to visit, and poor Nikolaus didn’t want to see his m____r-in-law at all!
As he went outside to bridle the reindeer, he noticed that three of them were pregnant and (because of it?) two more had fled to heaven knows where! What disaster! He started to load the sled but one of the boards broke and the toy sack fell to the ground damaging a lot of the toys – ****** !!
So frustrated, Santa went inside to make himself a cup of tea with rum, only to find that the elves had downed all the l____r! In his anger, his favorite cup fell out of his hands and broke. When he then realized that mice had nibb__d at his biscuits, he wanted to burst with anger.
suddenly the doorbell rang. He opened it and there was a little angel with a huge Christmas tree. The angel said jubilantly and exultantly, “Merry Christmas dear Santa, isn’t it a lovely day?? I have a beautiful Christmas tree for you. Where should I put him?”
And so began the tradition of the little angel on top of the Christmas tree.
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