A kid dressed all in red rang my doorbell and said, “Trick or Treat!” I said to him, “dude Halloween was yesterday.”
He replied “I know. I’m a period, I’m sorry I’m late.”
B___dy twat earned all of my leftover candy.
A young girl, who was writing a paper for school, came to her f____r and asked…
“Dad, what is the difference between anger and exasperation?”
The f____r replied, “It is mostly a matter of degree.”
"Let me show you what I mean… "
With that, the f____r went to the telephone and dialed a number at random.
As a man answered the phone, he said, “Hello, is Melvin there?”
The man answered, "There is no one living here named Melvin… "
“Why don’t you learn to look up numbers before you dial them?”
“See,” said the f____r to his d______r, “That man was not a bit happy with our call.”
“He was probably very busy with something, and we annoyed him.”
"Now watch this… "
The f____r dialed the same number again.
“Hello, is Melvin there?” asked the f____r.
“Now look here!” came the heated reply.
“You just called this number, and I told you that there is no Melvin here!”
“You’ve got a lot of nerve calling again!”
The receiver was then slammed down hard.
The f____r turned to his d______r and said, “You see, that was anger.”
"Now I’ll show you what exasperation means… "
He dialed the same number again, and a violent voice roared, “HELLO!”
The f____r then calmly said…
"Hello, this is Melvin… "
“have there been any calls for me?”
I bought a bottle of Jack Daniel’s and put it in the basket on my bicycle.
Then I realized that if I fell off the bike on my way home the bottle would get broken so I drank all the Jack Daniel’s before I left.
It was a good thing, too, because I fell off my bike seven times on the way home.
Note to self - Do not _____ red ■■■■ while reading through this forum topic! 
