A little girl says, “Daddy, I wish I had a little sister.”
Trying to be funny, the daddy says, “Honey, you do have a sister.”
“I do?” questions the confused youngster.
“Sure,” responds the dad. “You just don’t see her because when you are coming in the front door, she is always leaving through the back door.”
The little girl gave this a few moments thought and remarked,
“You mean like my other Daddy does?”
A wealthy husband and his wife were having dinner at an upscale restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big open-mouthed kiss, then says she’ll see him later and walks away.
The wife glares at her husband and says, “Who the hell was that?”
“Oh,” replies the husband, “she’s my mistress.”
“Well, that’s the last straw,” says the wife. "I’ve had enough, I want a divorce!
“I can understand that,” replies her husband, “but remember, if we get a divorce it will mean no more shopping trips to Paris, no more wintering in Barbados, no more summers in Tuscany, no more BMW in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours.”
Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm.
“Who’s that woman with George?” asks the wife. “That’s his mistress,” says her husband.
“Ours is prettier,” she replies.
As Johnny knelt down with a pair of size 4 shoes in front of this blonde in a short skirt, he couldn’t resist a quick glance at her knickers.
“Hey cheeky!” She said as she gave me a playful kick. “I bet the only reason you work here is to look up girls’ skirts isn’t it?”
“That’s an absolutely ridiculous accusation, madam.” Johnny said sternly. “I don’t work here.”
A _____en cowboy lay sprawled across three entire seats in the posh Amarillo Theater.
When the usher came by and noticed this, he whispered to the cowboy, 'Sorry, sir, but you’re only allowed one seat.
'The cowboy groaned but didn’t budge.
The usher became more impatient: 'Sir, if you don’t get up from there I’m going to have to call the manager.
'Once again, the cowboy just groaned.
The usher marched briskly back up the aisle, and in a moment he returned with the manager. Together the two of them tried repeatedly to move the cowboy, but with no success.
Finally, they summoned the police. The Texas Ranger surveyed the situation briefly then asked, 'All right buddy what’s your name?
'‘Fred,’ the cowboy moaned.
‘Where ya from, Fred?’ asked the Ranger.
With terrible pain in his voice, and without moving a muscle, Fred replied… “the balcony…”
