The lady next door was crying because she ran out of fabric conditioner.
So I offered her a little comfort…
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I silently farted in bed last night and slowly lifted up the quilt.
After a few seconds my wife shouted, “B___dy hell you dirty git, that stinks”…
It must of been pretty bad.
She was downstairs at the time…
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That one I do not get… 
Comfort it’s the name of a fabric conditioner here in UK, i think it’s Cocolino in EU
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Thanks. So no chance for me to understand that…
Yes, was a big surprise for me when i first came in the UK to see that Unilever uses different names for UK market…
Chu got some splainin’ to do Lucy. Korma is Indian cuisine, and I’m guessing dodgy tikka has something to do with the heart, but none of that makes it funny to me.
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When I was about 9 years old, I accompanied my f____r to the funeral of a friend of his, someone I didn’t even know. When we got there, I stayed in a corner waiting for the time to pass.
Then a man approached me and said, ‘Enjoy life kid, be happy because time flies. Look at me now, I didn’t enjoy it.’ Then he passed his hand over my head and left.
My f____r, before leaving, f___ed me to say goodbye to the dead person. When I looked in the coffin, I was horrified to see that the man in the coffin was the same man who had spoken to me!
I was so traumatized I couldn’t s___p properly. I had terrible nightmares. I was terrified of being alone. I couldn’t s___p without a night light for many years. I saw many psychologists, endured much turmoil throughout my adolescent years.
It got better as I aged, but I would still occasionally wake up screaming in fear.
Years later, I discovered something incredible that changed my life… The dead bastard had a twin.
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A teacher was wrapping up class, and started talking about tomorrow’s final exam. He said there would be no excuses for not showing up tomorrow, barring a dire medical condition or an immediate family member’s death.
One smart ass, male student said, “What about extreme sexual exhaustion?”, and the whole classroom burst into laughter.
After the laughter had subsided, the teacher glared at the student, and said, “Not an excuse, you can use your other hand to write.”
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Dig your own fucking hole the next time ok😂
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Who the fucks Lucy??? 
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