I thought you liked 'em all. Uh, I’m crushed (that’s gutted to you UK folk).
Sorry pal i did like them all but PARTICULARY the last two 
Do i have to be that fucking explicit
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It was just a joke. I can’t make the laughing guys any bigger.
Don’t worry i did appreciate that young man 
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B___dy hell even Ross can beat that
A young man moved out from home and into a new apartment, all his own, he went proudly down to the lobby to put his name on his mailbox.
While there, a stunning young lady came out of the apartment next to the mailboxes, wearing only a robe.
The boy smiled at the young woman, and she started up a conversation with him.
As they talked, her robe slipped open, and it was obvious that she had nothing else on. The poor kid broke into a sweat trying to maintain eye contact.
After a few minutes, she placed her hand on his arm and said, ‘Let’s go to my apartment, I hear someone coming.’
He followed her into her apartment; she closed the door and leaned against it, allowing her robe to fall off completely.
Now nude, she purred at him, ‘What would you say is my best feature?’
Flustered and embarrassed, he finally squeaked, ‘It’s got to be your ears.’
Astounded, and a little hurt she asked, ‘My ears?!?!?’’ Look at these breasts; they are a full 38 inches and 100% natural. I work out every day and my ass is firm and solid. I have a 28-inch waist. Look at my skin - not a blemish anywhere. How can you think that the best part of my body is my ears?’
Clearing his throat, he stammered, ‘Outside, when you said you heard someone coming…that was me.’
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Adapted from Johny Cash’s “Because you’re mine”.
I keep my pants up with a piece of twine. I keep my arms wide open all the time. I keep the ends out for the ties that bind. Because you’re mine, please pull the twine.
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That made me laugh out loud!!
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I have to learn this trick!!! (Wait for it.)
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After I saw what was just above this post, you probably meant something other than what I thought you meant. I thought you were talking about the last two posts, but you probably meant the last two items on the coffee list. Which was it?
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On the first day, God created the dog and said, “Sit all day by the door of your house and bark at anyone who comes in or walks past. For this, I will give you a life span of twenty years.” The dog said, “That’s a long time to be barking. How about only ten years and I’ll give you back the other ten?”
And God saw it was good.
On the second day, God created the monkey and said, “Entertain people, do tricks, and make them laugh. For this, I’ll give you a twenty-year life span.”
The monkey said, “Monkey tricks for twenty years? That’s a pretty long time to perform. How about I give you back ten like the dog did?”
And God, again saw it was good.
On the third day, God created the cow and said, “You must go into the field with the farmer all day long and suffer under the sun, have calves and give milk to support the farmer’s family. For this, I will give you a life span of sixty years.”
The cow said, “That’s kind of a tough life you want me to live for sixty years. How about twenty and I’ll give back the other forty?”
And God agreed it was good.
On the fourth day, God created humans and said, “Eat, s___p, play, marry and enjoy your life. For this, I’ll give you twenty years.”
But the human said, “Only twenty years? Could you possibly give me my twenty, the forty the cow gave back,the ten the monkey gave back
and the ten the dog gave back; that makes eighty, okay?”
“Okay,” said God, “You asked for it.”
So that is why for our first twenty years, we eat, s___p, play and enjoy ourselves.
For the next forty years, we slave in the sun to support our family.
For the next ten years, we do monkey tricks to entertain the grandc___dren.
And for the last ten years, we sit on the front porch and bark at everyone.
Life has now been explained to you.
There is no need to thank me for this valuable information.
I’m doing it as a public service.
If you are looking for me I will be on the front porch…
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I was at the bus stop this morning and an elderly lady said to me “Isn’t it cold today”, so I said “ Yes, winter draws on” and she replied “Mind your own business young man”
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Thieves who stole 3 ton of tarmac have been in hiding for 2 months now.
A police spokesman said " We are hoping they will resurface soon".
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A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a
restaurant operated by a fellow cannnibal. Feeling somewhat
hungry, he walked in, sat down and looked over the menu…
Raw Tourist: $5.00
Broiled Missionary: $10.00
Fried Explorer: $15.00
Baked Liberal or Grilled Conservative: $100.00
The guy called his friend over and asked, ‘Why such A huge
price difference for the politicians?’
The cook replied… ‘Have you ever tried to clean one?
They’re so full of s__t … it takes all morning.’
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Hunter was 4 years old and was staying with his grandf____r for a few days.
He’d been playing outside with the other kids, when he came into the house and asked,
‘Grandpa, what’s that called when two people s___p in the same bedroom and one is on top of the other?’
His Grandpa was a little taken aback, but he decided to tell him the truth.
'Well, Hunter, it’s called sexual intercourse’
‘Oh,’ Little Hunter said, ‘OK,’ and went back outside to play with the other kids.
A few minutes later he came back in and said angrily, ‘Grandpa, it isn’t called sexual intercourse. It’s called Bunk Beds. And Jimmy’s mom wants to talk to you.’
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