A 50ish woman is home, NAKED, happily jumping on her bed & squealing with delight. Husband watches & asks “Do u have any idea how ridiculous u look? What’s the matter with u?” The woman continues to bounce on the bed & says, “I don’t care what u think. I just had a mammogram, & the doctor says that not only am I healthy, but I have the breasts of an 18-year-old.” The husband replies, “What did he say about your 55-year-old ass?” “Your name never came up,” she replied!
The Lone Ranger and Tonto were at the bar _____ing, when in walks a cowboy who yells, “Who’s white horse it that outside?”
The Lone Ranger finishes off his whiskey, slams down the glass, turns around and says,
“It’s my horse. Why do you want to know?”
The cowboy looks at him and says, “Well, your horse is standing out there in the sun, and he don’t look too good.”
The Lone Ranger and Tonto run outside, and they see that Silver is in bad shape, suffering from heat exhaustion. The Loan Ranger moves his horse into the shade and gets a bucket of water. He then pours some of the water over the horse and gives the rest to Silver to _____.It is then he notices that there isn’t a breeze, so he asks Tonto if he would start running around Silver to get some air flowing and perhaps cool him down.
Being a faithful friend, Tonto starts running around Silver. The Lone Ranger stands there for a bit then realizes there is not much more he can do, so he goes back into the bar and orders another whiskey.
After a bit a cowboy walks in and says, “Who’s white horse is that outside?”
Slowly the Lone Ranger turns around and says, “That is my horse, what is wrong with him now?”
“Nothing,” replies the cowboy, “I just wanted to let you know that you left your Injun running.”
I asked my wife why she married me.
She said “Because you are funny.”
I said “I thought it was because I was good in bed.”
She said “See? You’re hilarious!”
A circus owner runs an ad for a lion tamer and two people show up. One is a retired Cowboy in his late sixties and the other is a gorgeous young woman in her mid-twenties.
The circus owner tells them, “I’m not going to sugar coat it. This is one ferocious lion. He ate my last tamer so you two had better be good, or you’re history. Here’s your equipment – chair, whip and a gun. Who wants to try out first?”
The woman says, “I’ll go first.”
She walks past the chair, the whip and the gun and steps right into the lion’s cage. The lion starts to snarl and pant and begins to charge her. About halfway there, she throws open her coat revealing her beautiful naked body.
The lion stops dead in his tracks, sheepishly crawls up to her and starts licking her feet and ankles. He continues to lick and kiss her entire body for several minutes and then rests his head at her feet.
The circus owner’s jaw is on the floor. He says, “I’ve never seen a display like that in my life.” He then turns to the retired Cowboy and asks, “Can you top that?”
The tough old Cowboy replies, “You bet. Just get that lion out of there.”
good friends are like hot soup.
in winter it is quite pleasant to have them. but when remnants of them stick to your clothes, it’s embarrassing in the office
postillon.de, one of germany’s best satirical sites 
Henry Winkler was flying from New York to LA when an airplane stewardess approached him. She asked "Would you like some headphones? "Henry smiled and replied, “Of course My Dear, by the way, it’s pronounced Fonz.”
