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I found some videos of this kind a long time ago… and I still don’t understand what might be going on in their heads…
A husband and wife lying in bed last night. The husband noticed the wife with a girly book. “What’s that s__t you’re reading now?” he asked. “Its Women are from Venus, Men are from Mars!” “What bulls__t!” he replied “You’re more likely from Mars than me!” “Why’s that then?” “I’ve been probing you for fucking years and there’s still no sign of life!!”
A man went into a local tavern and took a seat at the bar next to a women patron. He turned to her and said “This is a special day, I’m celebrating”. “What a coincidence” said the woman “I’m celebrating, too”. She clinked glasses with him and asked “What are you celebrating?” “I’m a chicken farmer” he replied. “For years all my hens were infertile, but today they’re finally fertile”. “What a coincidence, the woman said. “My husband and I have been trying to have a c___d. Today, my gynaecologist told me I’m pregnant!” How did your chickens become fertile?” she asked. “I switched cocks” he replied. “What a coincidence” she said.
Have patience until the punchline at the end 
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Well, since I can’t hear what they’re saying, what did the guy say when he sat down in the chair. I got the gist of the rest of it.
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A guy goes to buy a notebook at the stationery shop. He finds a good one wrapped in plastic for $10, so he takes it up to the counter. The cashier rings it up, but tells the guy no matter what, not to look at the last page. The guy thinks it’s an odd thing to say, but pays the $10 and takes the notebook home.
He unwraps it, and naturally his curiosity starts to get the best of him…what’s on the last page? Could be anything: a pirate treasure map!; some kind of forbidden pictures!; his imagination goes wild.
Hands shaking with excitement, lips dry, he fumbles his fingers to the last page …
He sees it …
A price sticker that says $5.
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A grandpa goes into the whorehouse and asks one of the ladies about the prices. She says: “100 in bed, 20 on the carpet.” Grandpa gives her 100. Does she mean: “Right Grandpa, it’s nicest in bed?!” Grandpa says: “Why bed, 5 x carpet!”
Oh yeah sorry about that pal.
Well after the chair comes to him he sits down and says, smiling, “bugger me” and Dave Allen shouts out, “no no”
NOW, it’s funny. Thanks.
For those who don’t know German, it says, “9 of 11 Smokers die earlier.”
My friend got really mad when he caught me sniffing his sister’s underwear. I don’t know if it was because she was still wearing them or that the rest of the family was watching. Either way, the funeral got very awkward after that.
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An old Italian nun who was living in a convent next to a construction site noticed the coarse language of the workers and decided to spend some time with them to correct their ways.
And so she decided she would take her lunch and sit with the workers.
She put her sandwich in a brown bag and walked to the spot where the men were eating.
Sporting a big smile, she walked up to the group and asked: “And do you men know Jesus Christ?”
They shook their heads and looked at each other very confused.
One of the workers looked up into the steelworks and yelled out, “Anybody up there know Jesus Christ?”
One of the steelworkers yelled down. “Why?”
The worker yelled back, “Cause his mom’s here with his lunch.”
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