Saw a lad standing on one leg at an ATM.
Confused, I asked him what he was doing?
He was just checking his balance.
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Jeff and Mike are in a car accident and both die. Upon Jeff’s arrival at the Pearly Gates, he is met by St. Peter. “Where is my friend Mike?” Jeff asked. St. Peter replies, “Well, Mike was not as fortunate as you. He went in the other direction instead of getting into Heaven.” Jeff was bothered by this and asked, “Well, could I see Mike one more time just to be sure he is OK?” So, Jeff and St. Peter walked over to the edge of Heaven and looked down. There was Mike, on a sandy beach, with a gorgeous blonde in a bikini, and also with keg of ■■■■. “I don’t mean to complain, but Mike seems to have it pretty nice down there in Hell,” says Jeff. “It’s not as it appears to be,” says St. Peter. “You see, the keg has a hole in it… and the blonde doesn’t.”
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Two Men were out fishing when one decides to have a smoke He asks the other guy if he has a lighter He replies " Yes i do " and hands the other a 10 inch long BIC lighter Surprised the guy asks “Where did you get this?” The guy replies " Oh I have a personal genie" The first man asks “Can I make a wish? " Sure says the other man “Just make sure that you speak clearly cause he is a little hard at hearing” “Ok I will” says the other as he rubs the lamp a genie appears and asks the man what he wants The man says " I want a Million Bucks " The genie says OK and goes back to his bottle and 10 seconds later a million ducks fly over head And the guy says to the other " Your genie really sucks at hearing doesn’t He?” The other man replies “I know, do you really think I asked for a 10 inch BIC”
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Good one that 
they look good as well
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Thats cruel 
But so true 
He’s only human unlike many
You have a high opinion of him 
Well some fucker has to
He’s ok really there are worse ones around.
Yeh pal your boy Jacob" never done a day’s work in his life with a silver spoon stuck in his snobby big gob"Rees Mogg.Jist sayin pal👍
Jealousy will get you nowhere pal.