Mary Tyler Moore is a guest on the David Letterman Show. Letterman asked her what was the funniest joke she ever heard. She answered: “One day a man went to go see a big shot talent agent to see if he would consider representing him. The agent said “well, I’ve got to see want kind of talent you have.” Well, the man shows him. The agent watched him mesmerized and saw how great he could dance, heard him singing beautifully, saw him act and listened to his comedy routines. The agent was amazed at all the talent this man had. He wanted to sign him up right away so he asked him what his name was. “Well,” the man replies, “My parents gave me a rather odd name…my name is Penis Van Lesbian.” The agent says, “Oh no, that name wouldn’t work. We have to change your name.” The agent thinks for a while, trying to figure out a good name for him. All of a sudden the agent says, “I’ve got the perfect name for you! From now on your new name will be ‘Dick Van Dyke’.”
Three guys die together in an accident and go to heaven.
When they get there, St. Peter says, “We only have one rule here in heaven: Don’t step on the ducks!”
So they enter heaven, and sure enough, there are ducks all over the place.
It is almost impossible not to step on a duck, and although they try their best to avoid them, the first guy accidentally steps on one.
Along comes St. Peter with the ugliest woman he has ever seen. St. Peter chains them together and says:
“Your punishment for stepping on a duck is to spend eternity chained to the ugly woman!”
The next day, the second guy steps accidentally on a duck, and along comes St. Peter, who doesn’t miss a thing, and with him is another extremely ugly woman.
He chains them together with the same admonishment as for the first guy.
The third guy has observed all this and not wanting to be chained for all eternity to an ugly woman, is very, VERY careful where he steps.
He manages to go months without stepping on any ducks, but one day St. Peter comes up to him with the most gorgeous woman he has ever laid eyes on: a very tall, tan, curvaceous, sexy blonde.
St. Peter chains them together without saying a word.
The guy remarks, “I wonder what I did to deserve being chained to you for all of eternity?”
She says, “I don’t know about you, but I stepped on a duck!”
Cops were called to a house because the wife of the house said she k__led her husband. The cops asked the lady why she m____red her husband. She said, “I just finished mopping the floor and he walked on it.” The cops called the police chief and told him what happed and he asked if they arrested her?
“No Chief, the floors still wet” 
So Dave just died and suddenly found himself facing the devil. The devil explained that he had committed too many sins in his life and had been assigned to hell rather than the other place. He explained that Dave must now choose in which of 3 available rooms he would like to spend all eternity.
The devil took him to the first room. It was a cold, miserable room with a rough wooden floor with souls as far as the eye could see all standing on their heads. Dave decided that he didn’t fancy standing on his head for all time and asked to see the next one.
The devil led him to the next room. It was similar to the first one but this time with a very rough concrete floor. Again, there were souls as far as the eye could see all standing on their heads, only they were moaning with discomfort from the concrete. Dave was alarmed at this and asked to move on.
The devil then showed him the last room. This room was worse in that the people in there were knee-deep in the foulest horse manure. The smell was terrible. However, everybody was standing around _____ing coffee and smoking cigarettes. They were chatting to each other and generally looked quite relaxed.
The devil asked Dave for his choice. After thinking about it, Dave figured that the smell in room 3 might be bad but at least the people weren’t standing on their heads. And they got to chat and _____ coffee. So Dave elected for room 3. The devil seemed happy with this and led Dave into the room and introduced him to people. Everyone was very friendly. Dave thanked the Devil, waded through the manure, and took his place amongst the people.
As the devil left he said “Right you lot, coffee break over, back on your heads!”
I have seen a version of that, with a cow rather than a goose. Just as funny though!
