well for the last 25 years my missus as said i can never find it , well im off home to tell her the good news .“i found it”
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A Russian is strolling down the street in Moscow and kicks a bottle laying in the street. Suddenly out of the bottle comes a genie. The Russian is stunned and the Genie says, “Hello Master, I will grant you one wish, anything that you want.” The Russian begins thinking, “Well I really like _____ing vodka.” Finally the Russian says, “I wish to _____ vodka whenever I want, so make me piss vodka.” The Genie grants him his wish. When the Russian gets home he gets a glass out of the cupboard and pisses into it. He looks at the glass and it’s clear. Looks like vodka. Then he smells the liquid. Smells like vodka. So he takes a test and it is the best vodka that he has ever tasted. The Russian yells to his wife, “Natasha, Natasha, come quickly.” She comes running down the hall and the Russian takes another glass out of the cupboard and pisses into it. He tells her to _____, that it is vodka. Natasha is reluctant but goes ahead and takes a sip. It is the best vodka that she has ever tasted. The two _____ and party all night. The next night the Russian comes home from work and tells his wife to get two glasses out of the cupboard. He proceeds to piss in the two glasses. The result is the same, the vodka is excellent and the couple _____ until the sun comes up. Finally, Friday night comes and the Russian tells his wife to grab one glass from the cupboard and we will _____ vodka. She gets the glass but asks him “Boris, why do we only need one glass?” Boris raises the glass and says, “Because tonight my love, you _____ from the bottle.”
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Did you change the names to Boris and Natasha?
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This is how summer tastes
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I am a SUCKER for clever pictures like that!
Defense Attorney:
Will you please state your age?
Little Old Lady:
I am 86 years old.
Defense Attorney:
Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of April 1st?
Little Old Lady:
There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.
Defense Attorney:
Did you know him?
Little Old Lady:
No, but he sure was friendly.
Defense Attorney:
What happened after he sat down?
Little Old Lady:
He started to rub my thigh.
Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him?
Little Old Lady:
No, I didn’t stop him.
Defense Attorney:
Why not?
Little Old Lady:
It felt good. Nobody had done that since my Alfred died some 20 years ago.
Defense Attorney:
What happened next?
Little Old Lady:
He began to rub my breasts.
Defense Attorney:
Did you stop him then?
Little Old Lady:
No, I did not stop him.
Defense Attorney:
Why not?
Little Old Lady:
His rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven’t felt that good in years!
Defense Attorney:
What happened next?
Little Old Lady:
Well, by then, I was feeling so “spicy” that I just laid down and told him “Take me, young man. Take me now!”
Defense Attorney:
Did he take you?
Little Old Lady:
Hell, no! He just yelled, “April Fool!” And that’s when I shot the bastard.
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Two elderly ladies in a park chatting and enjoying each other’s company…
Suddenly a man in NOTHING but a long raincoat runs up and standing at a little distance, flashes them and runs off!
One lady to the other: Wow, are you OK after that? I thought you were going to have a stroke.
The other lady: Well yes I would have done, I just couldn’t reach!!!
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Five guys are standing in a circle talking. One guy is on his phone and is reading an article.
He says, “1 out of 5 guys are gay”
Someone says, “I hope it’s Jim, he’s really cute.”
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Bartender: “What’s the matter buddy?”
Man: “I caught my wife in bed with my best friend.”
Bartender: “What did you do?”
Man: “I told her to get the hell out!”
Bartender: “What about your friend?”
Man: “I looked him straight in the eyes and said ‘bad dog!’”
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