A teenager blonde brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents. They’re disgusted by his haircut, tattoos, and piercings. Later, when he leaves, the girl’s mum says “Dear, he doesn’t seem to be a very nice boy”. “Oh, please, mum!” says the d______r. “If he wasn’t nice, why would he be doing 500 hours of community service?”
A Russian walks into a bar in Turkey. He’s wearing a t-shirt with bright lettering “Turkish got 3 problems”. A few seconds later the Turkish’s oppose him and say “Hey, you know what you’re wearing is insulting?” The Russian responds “This is your first problem: You’re so easily offended”. The Turk responds “Okay, maybe we should settle this outside”. The Russian: “That’s your second problem - you always want to solve your problems with violence”. The Turks bring him outside and pull their knives. The Russian: “And here’s your third problem. You always bring knives to gun fights”.
Bob and Francis lived in a retirement home together. They had quite a bond and would frequently hang out and spend time with each other. One of their favourite things to do would be to go out on the patio at night, gaze at the stares and reminisce on the good times. One night when they were on the patio Bob asked Francis if she would hold his penis while they talked. Not do anything beyond that, simply hold his penis and continue to talk. She was hesitant at first but obliged and she held his penis and they resumed talking as per usual. This started to be a nightly routine, Francis would hold Bob’s penis on the patio and have pleasant conversation. Until one day Francis went out to the patio and Bob wasn’t there. She looked in the lounge. Wasn’t there. Went to the bingo room. Wasn’t there. Finally, she found Bob at the pool, and he was with Agnes!! Infuriated Francis asked Bob “What does Agnes have that I don’t have?!” And Bob replied “Parkinson’s”
I don’t know whether to laugh or cry at that one 