Don’t challenge Death to a pillow fight unless you are ready for the…
reaper cushions!
On THIS occasion, I saw nothing naughty. It’s just a cat trying to give its owner a larger mouth!
A bank robber pulls out a gun, points it at the teller, and says, “Give me all the money or you’re geography!”
The puzzled teller replies, “Did you mean to say ‘or you’re history?’”
The robber says, “Don’t change the subject!”
A man joins a nudist colony, takes off his clothes and starts wandering around. A 6 foot blond walks by him; the man gets a hard-on.
Blond: “Sir, did you call for me?”
New Man: “No, I just got here.”
Blond: “You must be new here, it’s a rule when I give you a hard-on, it implies you called for me.”
The blond lays down and lets the man screw her. The man gets up happy, enters the sauna, sits down, and farts. A huge man comes toward him.
Huge Man: “Sir, did you call for me?”
New Man: “No, I just got here.”
Huge Man: You must be new here, it is a rule when you fart, it implies you called for me."
The huge man turns him around and sodomizes him. The new man rushes back to the receptionist…
New Man: "Here is your card and key back. You can keep the $500."retainer fee
Receptionist: “But Sir, you only saw 1% of our facilities…”
New Man: (Rudely interrupting) “Listen lady, I am 65 years old, I get a hard-on once a month, but I fart 15 times a day. No thanks.”
Have you ever wondered where and how yodeling began?
Many years ago a man was traveling through the mountains of Switzerland.
Nightfall was rapidly approaching and he had nowhere to s___p. He went up to a farmhouse and asked the farmer if he could spend the night.
The farmer told him that he could s___p in the barn.
As the story goes, the farmer’s d______r asked her f____r, “Who is that man going into the barn?”
“That fellow traveling through,” said the farmer. “needs a place to stay for the night, so, I told him he could s___p in the barn.”
The d______r said, “Perhaps he is hungry.” So she prepared him a plate of food and then took it out to the barn.
About an hour later, the d______r returned. Her clothing disheveled and straw in her hair. Straight up to bed she went.
The farmer’s wife was very observant. She then suggested that perhaps the man was thirsty. So she fetched a bottle of ■■■■, took it out to the barn, and she too did not return for an hour. Her clothing was askew, her blouse buttoned incorrectly. She also headed straight to bed.
The next morning at sunrise the man in the barn got up and continued on his journey, waving to the farmer as he left.
When the d______r awoke and learned that the visitor was gone, she broke into tears. “How could he leave without even saying goodbye,” she cried. “We made such passionate love last night!”
“What?” shouted the f____r as he angrily ran out of the house looking for the man, w-ho by now was halfway up the mountain.
The farmer screamed up at him, “I’m going to get you! You had sex with my d______r!”
The man looked back down from the mountain side, cupped his hand next to his mouth, and yelled out…
“LAIDTHEOLADYTOO”
