Winter is coming, and a man from Leipzig in the former GDR needs to chop firewood. But he has no idea how much he actually needs. Oh well, he thinks, I’ll just get started.
He chops down two trees, and while he is working, a forest ranger comes by. The man thinks: He’ll know.
So he asks:
‘Hey, do you know if it’s going to be a harsh winter this year?’
The forest ranger says:
‘It’s going to be a fairly mild winter.’
‘Great,’ thinks the man, but to be on the safe side, he chops a few extra trees.
A little later, another forest ranger comes by. The man asks again:
‘Hey, do you know if it’s going to be a harsh winter?’
The forest ranger says:
‘It’s going to be a tough winter.’
The man thinks: I’d better chop some more wood.
So he chops down six more trees.
Not much later, another forest ranger comes by and the man asks again:
‘Hey, is it going to be a harsh winter?’
The forest ranger says:
‘It’s going to be a very harsh winter.’
‘Then I’ll chop some more trees,’ says the man, and he continues.
A little later, another forest ranger comes by and the man asks curiously:
‘How do you know it’s going to be such a harsh winter? Did someone say so on the news or something?’
The forest ranger looks at the enormous pile of wood and says:
‘We can tell by you… the more wood you chop, the harsher the winter will apparently be.’
British fighter planes are flying over Cyprus after bombs were sighted at the beach… 
Students in an advanced Biology class were taking their mid-term exam.
The last question was, 'Name seven advantages of Mother's Milk.
The question was worth 70 points or none at all.
One student, in particular, was hard put to think of seven advantages. However, he wrote:
1) It is the perfect formula for the child.
2) It provides immunity against several diseases.
3) It is always the right temperature.
4) It is inexpensive.
5) It bonds the child to the mother, and vice versa.
6) It is always available as needed.
And then the student was stuck.
Finally, in desperation, just before the bell rang indicating the end of the test, he wrote:
7) It comes in two attractive containers which are high enough off the ground where the cat can't get at it.
**He got an A.**
A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.
Before she says a word, Bob says, “I’ll give you $800 to drop that towel.”
After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob.
After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.
The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.
When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, “Who was that?”
“It was Bob the next-door neighbor,” she replies.
“Great,” the husband says, “did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?”
