Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant, and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange.
When the waiter brought our water and cutlery, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.
When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, “Why the spoon?” "Well, "he explained, “the restaurant’s owners hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all our processes. After several months of analysis, they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped piece of cutlery. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our staff are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift.”
As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it with his spare. “I’ll get another spoon next time I go to the kitchen instead of making an extra trip to get it right now.” I was impressed.
I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter’s zip on his trousers. Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So before he walked off, I asked the waiter, “Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?”
“Oh, certainly!” Then he lowered his voice. “Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we can save time in the rest-room. By tying this string to the tip of you know what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the rest-room by 76.39 per cent.”
I asked “After you get it out, how do you put it back?”
“Well,” he whispered, “I don’t know about the others, but I use the spoon.”
Guy and his two buddies are at a bar, when one of them nudges the other two. “See those three women over there? Lets go talk to them.”
So they go over and strike up a conversation, buying them a few _____s. After a while, each of his friends ask one of the women to dance. As he’s about to ask the third girl to dance he notices she’s in a wheelchair and then sees him looking at her chair he feels awkward.
Not wanting to be a jerk he says, “You want to go out there and show them how it’s really done?”
Smiling she agrees and they have a great time.
After a while both of his friends took off with both of hers. Back at the table, he asks her if she’s got a ride home.
She tells him, “no but I can call someone to pick me up.”
Trying to be nice he tells her “nonsense I’ll give you a ride!”
On the ride they’re laughing and getting along well and she tells him, “I’m really enjoying spending time with you and am not ready for the night to end yet, why don’t you pull over at that park and we can talk.”
They pull over and are talking for a while, when she finally kisses him.
“I’m sorry,” she blushes, “you’re just so nice and I like you.”
“it’s perfectly fine.” he smiles.
“Would you like to make love to me?” she asks. He agrees and they start going at it, but with her legs it’s hard to do in the truck.
She thinks and says, “My arms are pretty strong, why don’t you take me to the Monkey bars, I can hang and we can do it that way.”
So they go at it, finish up and he drives her home.
After he wheels her to the door her dad comes out.
“Come here boy,” he says, gesturing him over.
Worried, he walks over, “uhh yes sir?”
“I just wanted to thank you for driving her, that was damn decent of you and I haven’t seen her smile like that in years.”
Feeling guilty, he says, “It’s no big deal I was glad to do it.”
“No no,” her f____r replies, “you don’t understand, you’re a good man, most guys just leave her hanging in the park.”
Don’t get it…Just kidding.