The foreman on a large worksite noticed a new labourer one day and barked at him:
“What’s your name?”
“John.” The new bloke replied.
The Forman scowled. “Look, i don’t know what kind of wishy-washy worksite you were on before, but I don’t call anyone by their first name. It’s weak and wastes time.
I call my employees by their last name only like Smith, Jones, Baker, that’s all.
If I want a job done, I yell, Baker, get this or Jones, do that.
Now that we have that straight, what’s your last name?”
The new bloke sighed. “Darling. My name is John Darling.”
The foreman paused briefly for a couple of seconds, then said quietly…
“Ok John, the first thing I want you to do is…” 
That reminds me of the character Captain Darling in Black Adder who was mocked both by Captain Blackadder and General Melchett. Thank you for brightening up Saturday. 
Don’t forget Speckled Jim the plump carrier pigeon!
On the Listening Tour, a prominent politician was pleased and proud that the local sandwich shop in a town he was visiting had named a sandwich after him.
He was somewhat less pleased after he found out what was in it.
“Mostly baloney,” said the proprietor.
