this is not a new invention… 
My buddy told me, “I had a dream last night that I was having an affair with Ms. Gaynor, Ms. Estefan, Ms. Steinem and Ms. Vanderbilt.”
I said, “Sounds like a good time.”
He replied, “Not just good, it was fucking Glorias.”
Looked down and saw $80 on the sidewalk. Being the good Christian that I am, I thought, what would Jesus do?
So I went to the l____r store and turned it into ■■■■
Don’t Blink!
(if you don’t know this episode of Dr. Who: turn on the sound and listen)
A psychologist organizes a new group therapy for the first time.
The therapy is for m____rs and c___dren. The psychologist says that everyone has needs, and that everyone has their own needs.
The psychologist looks at the first m____r and says: “You are addicted to sweets, so you named your c___d Candy.”
Then the psychologist looks at the second m____r: “You are obsessed with money, which is why you named your c___d Penny.”
The third m____r grabs her son and says, “Come on Dick, let’s go!”
Carl is at home and at one point the neighbor comes running to him in a panic and shouts “Help… help”
Carl asks the neighbor what’s going on and he says “My m____r-in-law wants to jump out the window”
Carl asks “Why won’t you just let that person jump?”
the neighbor replies “That’s right, I can’t get the window open.”
A woman comes to the doctor for help with her problem.
Doctor: “What can I do for you?”
Woman: “I have a problem when I’ve been _____ing. When I get _____ I can’t control myself anymore: I take off my clothes, climb on tables and flirt with all the men.”
Doctor: “That’s easy to fix!”
Woman: “How?”
Doctor: “We’ll grab a glass of ■■■■ and discuss it calmly”
A woman is sunbathing on the roof of a hotel. A servant asks her to put on some clothes.
-
"Why would I? Firstly, I am lying on my stomach, and secondly, I have a towel, so even if someone arrives, he will not see anything.”
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“Yes, and third, you are lying on a glass roof above the dining room!”
